August 13, 2015

Jon Stewart’s Incredible Bullsh*t Speech

From the final episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Three different kinds of bullsh*t.

Transcription:

Bullshit is everywhere. There is very little that you will encounter in life that has not been, in some ways, infused with bullshit. Not all of it bad. Your general, day-to-day, organic free-range bullshit is often necessary. Or at least innocuous. Oh, what a beautiful baby. I’m sure it’ll grow into that.” That kind of bullshit, in many ways, provides important social-contract fertilizer. It keeps people from making each other cry all day. But then there’s the more pernicious bullshit. Your premeditated, institutional bullshit, designed to obscure and distract. Designed by whom? The bullshitocracy.

It comes in three basic flavors. One, making bad things sound like good things. Organic”, All-Natural”. Because factory-made sugar oatmeal balls” doesn’t sell. Patriot Act. Because Are you scared enough to let me look at all of your phone records” Act doesn’t sell. So whenever something’s been titled Freedom Family Fairness Health America”, take a good long sniff. Chances are, it’s been manufactured in a facility that may contain traces of bullshit.

Number two. The second way. Hiding the bad things under mountains of bullshit. Complexity. You know, I would love to download Drizzy’s latest Meek Mill diss (everyone promised me that would make sense), but I’m not really interested right now in reading Tolstoy’s iTunes agreement. So I’ll just click agree, even if it grants Apple prima nocte with my spouse. Here’s another one: simply put. Simply put. Banks shouldn’t be able to bet your pension money on red. Bullshitly put, it’s, hey, this, Dodd Frank. Hey, a handful of billionaires can’t buy our elections, right? Of course not. They can only pour unlimited, anonymous cash into a 501( C )( 4 ), otherwise they’d have to 501( C )( 6 ) it, or funnel it openly through a non-campaign coordinated super-PAC… I think they’re asleep now, we can sneak out.

And finally, finally, it’s the bullshit of infinite possibility. These bullshitters cover their unwillingness to act under the guise of unending inquiry. We can’t do anything because we don’t yet know everything. We cannot take action on climate change, until everyone in the world agrees gay-marriage vaccines won’t cause our children to marry goats who are going to come for our guns. Until then, I say it leads to controversy.

Now, the good news is this. Bullshitters have gotten pretty lazy, and their work is easily detected. And looking for it is kind of a pleasant way to pass the time, like an I Spy” of bullshit. So I say to you tonight, friends. The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something… Say something.

August 7, 2015

AT&T Corporate Garbage

Do you like meaningless collections of buzzwords?

August 6, 2015

The Daily Show Remembers #4… A Man Who Was on TV

August 6, 2015

The Daily Show Remembers #3… Natural Born Shiller

July 22, 2015

The Daily Show Remembers #2… A Short, Jewish Susan Boyle

July 22, 2015

The Daily Show Remembers #1… Jon’s Virility

I can’t get enough of these Daily Show Remembers” best-of Jon Stewart clips.

July 15, 2015

Source: commitstrip.com

May 11, 2015

Towerfall: The Dark World Release Date Announced!

http://towerfall.tumblr.com/post/118460714261/im-excited-to-finally-announce-that-towerfalls

I’m excited to finally announce that TowerFall’s Dark World Expansion will be released on May 12 on Steam, GOG, Humble Store, and PS4! It will cost $9.99 USD. In Europe, the expansion will release on PS4 a few days later (sorry!)

May 11, 2015

A great recap of the Marvel Cinematic Universe

Good summary if you’re going to see Avengers: Age of Ultron

January 19, 2015

Beautiful story plz share

A liberal Muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist.

Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied 4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”.

Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”.

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.

p.s. close the borders